


In Denial

by GilornethTheGold



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Bilba and Kili totally belong with each other, Denial, Erebor is reclaimed, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fili is Bilbo's brother, Helpful brother Fili, Helpful!Thorin, Kili is a walnut head, Kilibo-Love, Kissing, Letters, Pining!Kíli, Post-Battle of Five Armies, Sudden Decisions, The real hero of day, Thorin doesnot succumb to goldsickness, Two fools in love, Uncle Thorin, courting, fem!Bilbo, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-02 16:35:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2818901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GilornethTheGold/pseuds/GilornethTheGold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Their burglaress had left a few weeks after the battle, regretfully informing them that it was time to part ways.</i><br/>And Kili had realized that no poisoned arrow could have cut into him so deeper then that.</p><p> </p><p>When a dejected Bilba leaves Erebor, Kili pines away for his lost love. It only needed advice from an uncle and few punches from his brother, for him to go after her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Denial

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SilverOakenBranch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverOakenBranch/gifts), [Stoudet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stoudet/gifts).



> Someone mentioned a pining Kili and my muse was intrigued XD Also a gift for a dear friend who recently joined ao3. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Their journey was a rough one, full of peril and inevitable dangers but the ending was to be happy.

Endings were _supposed_ to be happy.

Thorin had regained the throne of Erebor, the last of seven kingdoms of Dwarrow, his birthright. He did not succumb to dragon-sickness.The battle with the Orcs and Goblins, although bloody and full of gore, ended in their victory. The dreaded dragon was slain and once-exiled Dwarrow were gradually returning to the mountain. 

Then why was Kili, instead of being ecstatic at their new-found glory, moping and becoming withdrawn by day? 

Only Fili and to some extent Thorin knew the answer.

A Hobbit named Bilba Baggins.

Their burglaress had left a few weeks after the battle, regretfully informing them that it was time to part ways.

And Kili was struck with the realisation that no poisoned arrow could have cut into him deeper then that.

The Company was dumbstruck by her sudden decision. The tried time and time again to persuade her, begged her to change her mind. Fili and Bofur had two heated arguments with her, determined to make her stay. Even Thorin had informed Bilba how honoured he would have been to have her, one of his closest companion ever, to stay in his mountain. 

She didn't. 

After turning all their offers down, ever so gently, and reassuring them that she would be fine, Bilba left for her own abode with the wizard. And Kili could do nothing except for staring blankly after her retreating figure. He failed to muster words even to plead to her to stay. He never thought that after going through so much, Bilba would just leave like that. Never to return.

Between the perils of travelling in the wilderness, facing bitter foes, inevitable dangers and running in and out of trouble, Kili found himself falling in the deep chasm of love. One of which the exit was sealed shut.

He had found his One only to have her slip away from beneath his fingers.

.............................................

The dark haired prince of Erebor sat motionlessly in his room, a quivering quill held in one hand, the other resting on a scroll of parchment on the wooden desk. The glimmer of life was fading from his darkening eyes, his face devoid of any emotion. One could observe half formed sentences on the wrinkled paper, result of the many futile attempts by the dwarf to compose some official letter, earlier in the day.

In vain, Kili tried to drown the echoes of the whispers of in his mind, forcing him to recall her bright eyes and sunny smile, sneering at him for letting her go one who he held so dear to his heart.

His thick, calloused fingers crushed the neglected letter, hazy eyes peering around the room, absentmindedly, seeking any trace of her radiant form. She should be here, by his side. Why did she leave then?

A thousand such thoughts whirled in his mind like a blurred haze, recurring questions that went unanswered and vague memories that remained like a pile of withered leaves, doing nothing to soothe the throbbing pain in his heart.

He would remain without his One the rest of his wretched and meaningless life, soon to fade away like a wisp of smoke in a cold and foggy winter's morn.

How the _hell_ was he supposed to cope with it?!

“Aggression,” A well familiar voice distracted his melancholy thoughts. Kili blinked in surprise as the Crown Prince of Erebor sauntered in with long strides, swinging something his vision could not make out, finally dissolving the lingering silence that had previously swallowed up the room.

“Pent up energy?” The smug, all knowing look his brother was directing towards him made Kili tighten the grip even more on the wretched piece of parchment. “Or should I take it as love-frustration?”

This would not end well.

Fili’s expression turned into mild pain as the parchment ball landed smack on his face. Kili had the satisfaction of hearing an anguished “Ouch!” before the blonde dwarf scowled angrily at him. Kili glowered back (really uncle Thorin should be proud at how well they could imitate his beloved expressions.)

“What was that for?” Fili said indignantly, rubbing his cheek.

“For you to get out,” Kili said from behind gritted teeth. He _certainly_ did not need his brother mocking him right now.

Fili arched his brows as the younger dwarf took a fresh piece of parchment and held the quill between his fingers. “You still haven’t written that letter?”

"No," he replied, shortly. "What about your own task?"

"Oh, I finished mine while you were filling the ink well," his brother stated with a shrug.

“Bugger off," Kili mumbled. "Uncle will have my hide if I delay this damned thing anymore."

“Well I merely came to hand you a letter you’d have liked to read,” the blond replied, and turned away as if to walk out of the room. “But if…”

“What letter?” Kili interrupted, impatience getting better of him. He regretted it immediately, as a thick letter encasement struck across his face, causing him to nearly topple over. The younger swore _why did Fili’s aim have to be always that perfect?_

His eyes fluttered to the place where the envelope had landed, unceremoniously. Picking it up in curiosity, his eyes widened.

  
Bilba Baggins  
Bag-End  
Bag-Shot Row  
Hobbiton  
The Shire  


His brother seated himself beside him and Kili exchanged a look of pure elation with him, the gauntness of his eyes momentarily gone. Fili huffed a small chuckle as he tugged the letter within. It was addressed to them both.

_Dear Fili and an equally dear Kili,_ it said in Bilba's neat and flowing hand.

_Getting back to home was an adventure in itself, but lets spare the details right now. It will take another letter to sum it up. The journey however was pretty uneventful whether for the fact that Gandalf and I remained together all the time, I don’t know. Bard accompanied us till the Greenwood. I got to know that the Elven king is a great friend of Gandalf. He provided us with much needed provisions and I can’t help but mourn the fact that if the grey wizard was with us at that awful encounter with the elves we might have forgone the journey in those wretched barrels. Well, after that we arrived at Beorn’s and I got reacquainted with the sheep. It suffices to say that did not end well. We intruded on Lord Elrond’s hospitality once more, he listened to our tale with great interest and laughed when he saw me stating that I definitely took after my mother. We met an odd traveler while riding across the open grasslands just before the Shire, he seemed to be a friend of Gandalf. Bombadil was his name, the master of lands within Old Forest. Quite fascinating tales he told and after we arrived the trees marking the border of The Shire, Gandalf left with him. I entered the Shire, alone._

_The Shire is peaceful as ever, its inhabitants set in their ways and routine. What would the hobbits do if dwarves invaded these lands, I for my life cant think. Its strange, trying to return to my quiet life in Bag-End. I honestly feel more of a misfit now without the company of dwarrow and the thrill of adventure on road. How does one pick up the threads of an old life? Most of my relatives are quite my miffed at my apparent survival, others seem merely surprised, a small amount even glad to see me. Young Frodo has grown about two inches since I last saw him. He was quite put out by the fact that his ‘Aunt Bibba’ went on a journey without him. It took about five days worth of raspberry stuffed muffins and one blackberry crumble for him to come around._

_I miss you all dearly but especially you Kili, ever the mischief-maker and my dearest friend. And you Fili, more dearer than any brother. And love you all for the memories we lived through, together during the quest. But even adventures have to end and this was more than any Baggins deserved. Do not take our parting to heart, although I know my going dampened your spirits. It was for best. If anyone of the company ever passes through these parts, although I know that is quite improbable, do drop by my door. My pantry and I are ever at your service. Gandalf said he will visit soon which for him may mean after few days or few years. Lots of love to others and Thorin better be treating you all well (I wish I could see him as the king, he makes a fine one no doubt)._

_With Love and much gratitude,  
B.B._

His hand trembled. Fili took the letter gently from his hand and proceeded to put it back in the envelope. A hundred thoughts or more swirled in Kili’s mind more bizarre by last.

“So she got her old life back,” Fili said, a sad look coming over his face as he looked over his brother. The days spent on the road were fresh in Fili's memory. The way Kili looked at their hobbit, the way Bilba blushed when he was nearby. The silly pranks he would play on her, just to attain her attention. The warm laughter shared afterwards. They way she worried over him and the way he would look after her. 

They were adorable together, even Thorin had grudgingly admitted that.

How many times had Fili had tried to convince him to go to her? To speak to her about his feelings, to confess her being his One.  
But no, Kili being his ridiculous self would sigh and fret ceaselessly, telling him that Bilba did not care for him, not in the way he did. So he never once asked her.

If only they would speak to each other, plainly. Fili had been close to Bilba, he had claimed her to be his sister. He knew she felt for Kili but shied away from saying anything. She had been eager at first, but no advance from his brother’s side soon made any sort of hopes fade away. Only Fili knew truly the reason Bilba left the mountain.

His goof of a brother.

“She does not sound much happy,” Kili mumbled. Anger swept over the blond dwarf but he restrained it, knowing that the matter needed quiet contemplation rather than outbursts or raised tempers. 

“I am going to answer her letter,” he said, shortly. Kili needed to sort it out himself. He retreated towards the door and was soon gone leaving a trail of dust in his wake.

............................................

"Here Balin. I finished it," Kili said with a sigh, holding out a hastily scribbled letter.

"Took you long enough lad," the (now) chief adviser grumbled as he took the scroll. The snowy bearded dwarf however could not help a slight twitching of his lips. He had taught the princes their letters and knew all too well, how much Kili detested such tasks. Penmanship was simply not his forte.

The prince retreated towards the door only to find his uncle blocking it, arms folded and features set.

"Balin." The King Under the Mountain rumbled, and the said dwarf nodded before leaving the room.

"Anything the matter?" Kili asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Yes. You are the matter. Why are you intent on driving your family to an early grave?" his uncle was frowning even more than usual, which was never a good sign.

"What do you mean?" the younger dwarf spluttered in mild indignation.

Thorin sighed and started pacing around the room with slow and steady strides, but agitation was evident on his troubled face. "I received a letter from Bilba, addressed to the whole Company," He paused, studying Kili's face intently who kept his expression neutral, despite wincing inwardly. "She stated that she is well and has settled in her former life. Also that she misses the Company."

 _Where was this conversation leading too?_ Kili forced a smile before saying "Fili and I received one as well. Our burglar seems happy enough."

"Kili, why did you not approach her?" His uncle said, sadness visible in his blue eyes.

"What?"

"You heard me quite well," Thorin growled "For Mahal's sake Bilba was your One! Your soulmate who you are meant to spend your lifetime with! Or did you skip that lesson with Balin too?"

"Not you too, Uncle," Kili groaned, slouching against the stone wall. "She did not reciprocate my feelings! And what's up with you and Fili trying to interfere in my love-life or the lack there of?"

"So you admit you loved her," Fili's voice sounded from the doorway. The older prince barged in the study and aimed a hefty punch at his brother. "And how by Durin you came know she did not return your feelings when you never bothered to ask her once about the _damned_ subject!"

"Fili." the king frowned, wordlessly reprimanding his elder sister-son.

"Do not stop me uncle," Fili muttered then faced his brother. "Are you going to remain in this state? Slouch about the place uselessly, sighing and frowning all the time?"

"I do not......."

"Kili, my son," Thorin said in a rare moment of affection, touching his forehead with the younger dwarf. "Do not give us the pain to see you waste your life away in such a manner."

"It is too late. For all I know Bilba has already put the past behind her," Kili shook his head, but already the spark of life returned to his eyes, the doubts slowly fled away. As if something intangible urged him, to go out and follow her footsteps until their paths intertwined. 

"It is never too late." his uncle stated.

Fili spoke up "If you don't go now brother, you will regret it forever."

Kili remained silent, countless thoughts revolving in his mind. Thorin stared at him expectantly as Fili turned towards the hearth muttering "Useless elfling" under his breath. Among numerous thoughts and conflicting emotions, one full fledged belief remained dominant in Kili's mind. He loved Bilba. Mahal, he loved her. And thus a decision was made.

"Fili. Have you written that letter for your sister?" he asked, barely concealing a grin.

"Nearly, why?" Fili replied without turning, and Thorin raised an eyebrow.

“Well you can give it to me after you finish. I will hand it to Bilba when I reach the Shire.”

That compelled his brother to whip around wildly. “You are going after her?” he asked in disbelief.

“See if I don’t,” Kili said, a determined look coming over his face. The King and Crown Prince knew that particular expression, all too well. They grown to dread it. It was Kili’s I-am-going-to-get-whatever-I-want-let-the-one-standing-in-my-path-know-it expression.

Right now they cherished it. “That’s my boy,” Thorin rumbled, ruffling Kili’s dark brown locks. Fili threw another well-aimed punch at him but Kili merely grinned in retaliation. He owed much to the two of them. 

.......................................

The book remained open in front of her but Bilba was far from reading it. The words appeared like tiny dots of ants before her distracted eyes as she struggled to concentrate on the current page.

She snuggled in the feel of her all too comfortable chair, eyes drooping gradually. The fire cackled merrily at hearth bringing up memories that she would rather not relive at the moment. A small frown encased her face as snatches of her travels echoed in her mind, recalling the handsome face of one particular dwarf.

When the hobbit set out on this quest, she went only at the insistence of Gandalf. After being cooped up in her smial and following the same monotonous routine of the Shire folk, Bilba wanted to experience the outer world and learn something about it before her honey curls turned a dull grey, bones became pliable and her legs could no longer support her form.

Bilba definitely did not mean to fall in love. Not with one mischievous dwarvish princeling, who managed to steal her breath away whenever he passed her with one of his exuberant smile or cheeky smirk; just reserved for her. Or his ever ready jokes and irresistible charm. Or the way he warmly spoke to her and how his eyes would seek her out whenever she was nearby. The way he always watched out for her in times of grave perils, whereas he would have been better off trying to protect his own skin.

It had been wonderful at first, when her hopes were high and every encounter with Kili seemed a dream come true. But then he seemed to withdraw from her, their every interaction was forced. When she announced her decision to leave, she was so sure that he would be the one to restrain her.

One word. It only needed a single remark, that he wanted her to stay. But it remained unsaid.

So she left Erebor, all hopes dashed and her poor heart crumbled to bits. She couldn't stay there and see him everyday, knowing he would never be hers.

Bilba rubbed her eyes vigorously and concentrated on her book. A fruitless attempt. 

The doorbell rang, startling her as the heavy book slipped through her fingers and crashed on the floor nearly causing her to upset the steaming cup of tea, placed on a round table beside her.

Bother and confusticate all these unwanted guests, knocking at her door at inopportune times. She had not faced dragon fire and fought imminent death only to return and cater the appetites of hobbits, back home. 

No, she certainly was in no need of any visitors right now, thank you very much. And if it was one of them super-irritating Bracegirdles, Yavanna save them from her special prune cookies. Why couldn't they leave her alone, in her misery? 

Not bothering to wipe the highly annoyed expression on her face, Bilba walked with painfully slow steps towards her freshly coated in paint door, a rustic yellow, and yanked it open unceremoniously. 

The sour expression on her face melted into one of astonishment as Bilba saw a lone figure standing in the dim shadow of the eve. The face of the stranger was hooded, blue cloak illuminated against the light of a hanging lantern overhead. 

It was a dwarf, Bilba realized with a start. “Good Evening,” she said, trying to keep her face passive. The figure pushed past her into the doorway, without a uttering a word. She frowned. Was it one of the Company? What was he doing here?

Without warning, the intruder suddenly slammed the door shut and proceeded to pin her against it. Taken with surprise, Bilba offered no resistance and when she tried to scream it was too late. A calloused hand pressed against her mouth, muffling her protests efficiently.

“Good Evening to you too, Miss Boggins,” the dwarf said releasing his iron grip, a roguish grin lightening up his features.

“Kili!” she shouted in relief and recognition. “You gave me quite a shock!” She thumped him lightly on the head, heart drumming in her chest.

“I couldn’t resist,” Kili replied pulling her in for a quick hug in spite of her reproachful look.

“You came alone?” She asked quite flustered, cheeks reddening at recalling the proximity they shared a moment before unintentionally due to Kili’s joke.

“Of course I did. What’s for dinner?” he asked causally. As if it was no deal, turning up on her doorway after three months, without any prior word or explanation. As if he owned the right to greet her like that when he himself took her heart into his keeping and never returned it back.

 _No, you fool of a Took._ Bilba reprimanded herself. _It was your fault that you wore your heart on your sleeve. Raising your hopes where none existed from the beginning._

To Kili she said, not noticing the pain flashing at his face in the moment she hesitated. "Do hang your cloak, dear dwarf! Food will be on the table in a moment, although it is a bit early for it." She continued with a nervous laugh "But we hobbits do not mind an early dinner."

"Nah. I will endure for a while. Bilba I came for............." Kili began but the hobbit shushed him, protesting .

"You must be hungry after a long journey, Kili! Although I am delighted to see you, after all I thought the company must be busy in rebuilding of Erebor. But still food first and talk later."

"Bilba, a cup of tea and few of your scones will do for now." Kili replied, huffing with mock annoyance but smiling all the same at her bustling. 

"So tell me what brings you to the Shire." Bilba said as soon as they were seated comfortably near hearth a while later, after having a very light and quick tea (by hobbit standard).

"So I can't just come to see you?" Kili stated twirling one of her vibrant lock "I have to create a reason, for coming to see my friend?"

Bilba raised one of her eyebrow, knowing Kili well enough to know it was a meaningless jab. Her heart clenched at the word friend, knowing that is all she ever meant to him.

_Just a friend_

"So how is the company faring?" she asked.

"Uncle Thorin is handling the kingdom well. The restoration of Erebor has been initiated." Kili stopped staring at the fire thoughtfully. "Dwalin has become the Captain of Erebor's guard in addition to Thorin's personal guard and has grown ten times more paranoid after the battle and scares the wits out of any stray dwarf that unfortunately step in the royal wing. Balin is the chief adviser, and takes great pleasure in boring the pants off the council and burdening us all with official letters and documents."

"You deserve it," Bilba laughed. "Kili, you were never the one to sit quiet for a moment. Maybe Balin will finally cure your restlessness and recklessness."

Kili continued, after reminding himself of how he missed her peals of laughter just like tinkling of bells. "Failed attempts. He has been trying fo 70 years but I told him I was born that way. Well, Dori has opened the first ever tea shop in a dwarven community and is well famous among the nobles and commoners both. Less time for coddling Ori, who is learning to become a scribe in the King's court."

"Nori is the spymaster, I guess."

"Yes, he is. Always sniffing for a spot of trouble. Oin is one of the royal healers, Gloin one of council members. Bifur and Bofur have became official tinkers and toymakers and business is roaring, I tell you. Bombur has became so fat in a matter of three months that he has appointed a dwarf to help him up whenever he sits or sleeps. He approves the food for the royals meaning us before it is set before them."

"That should please him. I only hope he does not fall in an enchanted lake again," Bilba said shaking her head."How is my brother, then? Has he forgiven me yet?" she inquired, remembering a particularly thunderous exchange of words with Fili when she first brought up the subject of leaving Erebor.

"Yes and no," Kili said, reaching over to clasp her hand which was considerably smaller than his calloused one. It fitted into his as a pair of matching gloves.

"Why did Fili not come with you?" she asked softly feeling her heart skip a beat, as the traitorous thing it was.

Kili remained quiet for a while before responding "He said I should do this on my own." He fixed his dark eyes over her clear, blue ones. "Why did you leave us, Bilba?"

Her ears reddened. "Um.....This is my home, Kee" Bilba stuttered, avoiding his intent gaze.

"Look at me Bilba," Kili said forcing her to stand against his figure. "You told us that you longed for adventures. That you felt comfortable in our company. You told me how much a stranger you felt in the Shire and never quite fitted in here." Months of pent up emotions finally flooded out. "Why did you not stay with us then?" He demanded.

She looked at him then, a mixture of unhappiness and pain reflecting in her clear eyes. To think the very person she tried to run away from, should come trailing after her. To think Kili, of all people, was asking her such questions. "You will not understand," Bilba said with a shake of her golden curls "It's complicated."

"Try me then," Kili replied, placing his arms on her waist. "We would have loved to have you stay with us. Uncle was adamant on it. Fili and I would have looked after you." The hitch in his deep voice was unmistakable. "I wanted to remain with us, with me."

"Only as a friend," the hobbit replied bitterly as moisture formed in her eyes against her will.

The dwarf said and then looked up to see a tear cascading down from Bilba's cheek, as she bit her lip hard. 

It was too much for him to bear.

Kili's strong arms tugged Bilba's delicate form into the warmth of his chest. She had barely a moment to register it, before his warm lips pressed firmly against her pillowy ones in a chaste kiss. He devoured the sweetness of her lips before parting from her to pant for air, as she breathed deeply in his scent.

"Kili....what....." He did not require words to voice his feelings to her. No words were adequate to describe the torch Kili carried for her in his chest. So he claimed her lips once more, kissing her long and deep, pressing her form against the armchair

When they finally broke apart, Kili had the pleasure of seeing Bilba in an utterly disheveled state, curls all tousled; their breaths mingled with one another's. A proud smile graced his lips as he noticed the petal-pink blush on her rosy cheeks and said in a soft tone "Or something more if you would allow it."

Bilba glowered at his cheeky smirk, how could that insufferable dwarf stay so composed yet his usual mischievous self when her heart felt that it would explode from the conflict of emotions?

"You came......You mean that.......You are not....uhm.....ah"

"Bilba Baggins will you accept my, Kili Son of Vili, offer of courtship?" Kili asked, eyes softening and his demeanor serious all of a sudden.

The hobbit could do little but nod, so overwhelmed and tongue tied she was by the situation but for the increasing pressure on her wrist coaxed her into saying "I will."

Kili placed a fine, silver chain around her dainty neck on which hung a single but really beautiful bead of silver embellished with a chip of aquamarine.

"To show that we are courting," he explained. "Your hair are too short for braiding right now."

"So you were already confident about my response?" Bilba accused halfheartedly, as she marveled over her bead.

"No one can help but to succumb to my endless charm," Kili teased and dodged her hand.

"Of all the self-satisfied, arrogant.....mph" To prevent further arguments which was inevitable, Kili had pulled Bilba into another lingering kiss.

And thus a new adventure began.


End file.
